Panic Attacks

So I have been dealing with anxiety and panic attacks for about 8 years. So since 2003. It was very tough when they first started I remember I got my first really bad panic attack at the movies, The Hubby and I were watching Lord of the Rings. I got stuck and frozen with anxiety almost like I couldn't snap out of it, hearts beating out of my chest, my thoughts were running wild!  It was horrible. Didn't go to the movies again, and after that day at the movies I was to the point of not being able to leave my house, I would have a panic attack almost every night before bed, which made me afraid to sleep, I couldn't look in the mirror and was afraid to take a shower. Probably the most difficult time of my life. I talked to therapists which I truly believe helped alot. They all wanted me on medication, but the problem is, that is another fear of mine, taking medication. Nenn was a baby. I feel terrible because I barely remember taking care of Nenn because my anxiety took over everything. Thank goodness for The Hubby, he was and is the best. He always knows how to calm me down and as hard as it was he always understood me and was there for me no matter how crazy I was and am :)

Because of these panic attacks I had stopped drinking caffeine and stayed away from sugar (therapists suggested.) I refused to go to the movies, I do not take cold medicines or anything that I think will make me feel different, and I do not drink. Its also difficult because I am afraid to put myself in situations that I think I will not be able to get out of. Even helping out in the kids classes I was afraid of, and commiting to things, because what if I have a panic attack?

Now I feel I have some control of my panic attacks, and I did it without medication. I haven't had one in a couple months, I do still have anxiety. I feel good though, I am drinking some caffeine and need my chocolate, still will not take any medications except tylenol for a headache. And just this year I have been going to the movies again. Those may seem like little things, but they are big steps for me. Might have to actually get on an airplane soon, and if I can do that omg, that would be a miracle. I think I can do it.

So yeah Anxiety sucks!