Guilt

  Been feeling crappy lately. Unsure of myself and things. Can't quite figure out exactly why just been stuck in a funk. And wish I could snap out of it. Its crazy we've been so busy but when I'm not doing something I feel like I should be. Today I was actually able to relax at home for about 2-3 hours, my brother was gone, my mom was gone (they are staying with us right now), the hubby got home early from work but had to go to sleep for his later job and Jay had an early nap and girls were at school. There were things I could have left the house and done but I decided to do it all tomorrow. So I actually sat home and watched tv for like 2 hours during the day. I did clean the bathrooms, dishes, swept, vacuumed and made some mac salad before or else I would not have been able to sit there with out thinking about the house being a mess. It was very strange and I feel guilty relaxing but it was nice. Its not fair to feel this way. I also think being at home today didn't help my feeling crappy, almost like a depressed feeling. Oh well that was today and I'm sure tomorrow will be different. Because I'm crazy like that :)

Babies

  So I am having a problem. I am sad I can't have anymore babies (yes I know I'm crazy) I see so many people on FB having babies and pregnant and I am actually sad I will not experience that anymore. Realisticly I know I shouldn't have anymore kids and I am ready to move on to the next stage in life but I am actually sad. And 3 kids is plenty and tough, but what if Jay gets older and we want to have another. The Hubby is DONE and does not want anymore and really he made it impossible to have anymore. We both made the decision but I didn't know I would feel this way. I've heard people feel this way for a while but its time for it to go away. It's crazy we started young and are done having kids and others our age are just starting. I do love the age I had kids, found out I was pregnant with my first on my 21st bday. So it will be nice when our kids are older, the Hubby and I will still be kinda young, so that is one good reason to be okay to not have anymore babies. I guess I'll just enjoy other peoples babies, lol. I do love seeing all the new babies. And I am REALLY excited to be an Auntie again, can't wait!!!